A conversation of a questionable nature between an Author & a Gentleman or A much better use of this silly side column . . .
FD: So, you write novels, then, Ms. Adriani? SA: I do. FD: And these novels are about me? SA: They are, but there are other characters featured in them as well. I can't only write a book about you, Mr. Darcy. FD: Ms. Aiden has. Three, as a matter of fact. SA:Yes. But I'm afraid I'm not Ms. Aiden. FD:(narrows eyes) No. I suppose you're not. (scrutinizes author) You also appear to be much shorter. Tell me, is Miss Bennet in your book? SA: She is. FD: Dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! (grins) Am I handsome in these books you write? Does Miss Bennet find me handsome? SA: You're always handsome, Mr. Darcy, and yes, Miss Bennet happens to find you extremely good looking, but I wouldn't let that go to your head. You have quite a talent for ruining your chances with her very early on in the story. FD:(frowns) What? Whatever do you mean? SA: I mean you have a dreadful habit of insulting her, repeatedly. Your first proposal alone in Miss Austen's Pride & Prejudice is a perfect example. FD:(shifts awkwardly) Oh. Yes, that was dreadful. SA: Very. FD:(rubs back of neck) Miss Bennet's mother is dreadful, you know. SA: Sometimes, but she means well; the entail and all... FD: And her youngest sisters. They're dreadful as well. SA: True, but they are, after all, very young, not to mention quite impressionable and neglected. FD: Mm. I suppose. (clears throat) So, does Miss Bennet ever agree to marry me in any of your stories? SA: She does, actually. You are handsome, after all. FD:(exhales in relief, smirks) You said extremely handsome before, but I suppose I can overlook it this once. SA: How generous of you. FD:(waves hand dismissively) It's nothing, madam, but please, do carry on writing your books. I greatly admire a lady who improves her mind by extensive reading - er, writing. SA: So I've heard. FD: (twists signet ring, clears throat) Why aren't you writing anything? Is your pen in need of mending? Here, allow me to help. I happen to be excellent at mending pens. SA: Are you? FD: Yes. SA: How interesting. FD:(scans desk for pen, scratches chin) Is there any chance, do you think, that Miss Bennet might want to mend my pen in the near future? SA: Would you like her to mend your pen? FD:(swallows) Very much. SA: I'll see what I can do. FD: I'm most obliged.